I was born the son of poor black sharecropper somewhere in that vast empty track of land between
Hulowtibwah and Mansholebeshot Mississippi.
No, wait, that was my cousin. Or George Jefferson.
Yeah, right.
I was actually born to a pair of college educated parents in a hospital, in lower South Carolina. It was
purely middle class.
I guess I grew up like any other kid. Well, any other kid of my era. This is pre-video game, a time when a
game of Pong could hold your attention for hours. As a kid I played outside, falling out of trees, skinning
my knees, jumping out of second story windows till somebody got hurt, hitting people in the head with
pine cones, etc and so on. I remember distinctly that the only time I came in the house was when it
was raining OR when Spiderman came on at 4:30. It was a fun time.
Then school started. And times became dark.
No really, we moved from the northern part of South Carolina to the central part, which had less hills and
seemed..smaller. And while we my folks were building our new house, we played outside. We rode
bikes, walked through the woods to the library, went over to the local college and raced around the
track. Then we moved into that house and we still played outside, and rode bikes, and raced barefoot
on blacktop asphalt, and built ramps to jump off. School was okay I guess, I learned to deal with it. Good
times, good times.
Then puberty struck. And things became kind of a ruddy brown.
I met my first love. She didn't return the favor. It was not pretty. That really is an understatement. In
family news, my father started his own business, I started playing football, I got a driver's license and
access to a car, probably did something stupid...don't remember. Played more football, when to summer
camp, played even more football, hurt my knee, some shenanigans went on and I didn't play no more.
Graduated high school. Okay times, okay...well, they were times. Times.
Then I went to college. It was kinda yellowish, with blue highlights and the occasional dark spot.
Ripping tale, isn't it. I carefully chose a college for it's fine academic reputation, it's curriculum, it's
attention to students, and one that was not being attended by anyone I knew from high school and
more than six hours from my parents house. So I went to college. And studied. And I drank. And I met
some ladies. And studied, and I drank and met some more ladies. I went on internship and saw the
world, went back to college and drank, internship, drinking, ladies, drinking...oh, yeah, study, drinking,
drinking, internship, study, drink, ladies...you see where this is going. Seven years passed. Not everyone
goes straight through, thank you very much. Hah. Along the way I met this chick who I thought liked
me who hurt me real bad. Then this other chick who did the same thing.
Then I graduated. Pitch Black.
Graduating turned out to be a very traumatic experience, because although I'd learned a lot...and was
brilliant...I squandered all the tools I'd been given. I went to work for my father...who then sold the
business. So I went to work for this bank...who really thought working at the bank was enough of a
reward. Then I moved to Atlanta...and found out not everybody gets rich in the Internet. And a few
temp positions, another chick who happened have a different life agenda than my own (who happened
to hurt me real bad), a real job, a house and the hopefully the worst of it behind me here we are.
What? You wanted dates? Names? Places? Are you nuts? I could get sued!
Hulowtibwah and Mansholebeshot Mississippi.
No, wait, that was my cousin. Or George Jefferson.
Yeah, right.
I was actually born to a pair of college educated parents in a hospital, in lower South Carolina. It was
purely middle class.
I guess I grew up like any other kid. Well, any other kid of my era. This is pre-video game, a time when a
game of Pong could hold your attention for hours. As a kid I played outside, falling out of trees, skinning
my knees, jumping out of second story windows till somebody got hurt, hitting people in the head with
pine cones, etc and so on. I remember distinctly that the only time I came in the house was when it
was raining OR when Spiderman came on at 4:30. It was a fun time.
Then school started. And times became dark.
No really, we moved from the northern part of South Carolina to the central part, which had less hills and
seemed..smaller. And while we my folks were building our new house, we played outside. We rode
bikes, walked through the woods to the library, went over to the local college and raced around the
track. Then we moved into that house and we still played outside, and rode bikes, and raced barefoot
on blacktop asphalt, and built ramps to jump off. School was okay I guess, I learned to deal with it. Good
times, good times.
Then puberty struck. And things became kind of a ruddy brown.
I met my first love. She didn't return the favor. It was not pretty. That really is an understatement. In
family news, my father started his own business, I started playing football, I got a driver's license and
access to a car, probably did something stupid...don't remember. Played more football, when to summer
camp, played even more football, hurt my knee, some shenanigans went on and I didn't play no more.
Graduated high school. Okay times, okay...well, they were times. Times.
Then I went to college. It was kinda yellowish, with blue highlights and the occasional dark spot.
Ripping tale, isn't it. I carefully chose a college for it's fine academic reputation, it's curriculum, it's
attention to students, and one that was not being attended by anyone I knew from high school and
more than six hours from my parents house. So I went to college. And studied. And I drank. And I met
some ladies. And studied, and I drank and met some more ladies. I went on internship and saw the
world, went back to college and drank, internship, drinking, ladies, drinking...oh, yeah, study, drinking,
drinking, internship, study, drink, ladies...you see where this is going. Seven years passed. Not everyone
goes straight through, thank you very much. Hah. Along the way I met this chick who I thought liked
me who hurt me real bad. Then this other chick who did the same thing.
Then I graduated. Pitch Black.
Graduating turned out to be a very traumatic experience, because although I'd learned a lot...and was
brilliant...I squandered all the tools I'd been given. I went to work for my father...who then sold the
business. So I went to work for this bank...who really thought working at the bank was enough of a
reward. Then I moved to Atlanta...and found out not everybody gets rich in the Internet. And a few
temp positions, another chick who happened have a different life agenda than my own (who happened
to hurt me real bad), a real job, a house and the hopefully the worst of it behind me here we are.
What? You wanted dates? Names? Places? Are you nuts? I could get sued!
